Friday, July 30, 2010

Walking into freedom - Why I left the religion

I still remember the time when I decided that I didn't want to be a Christian anymore.
Man it was a tough 2 years.

Prior to that, I was in church for about 6 years, serving "mightily and passionately" for a god I thought I loved. I thought I believed in him and I prayed, worshipped and spent most of my time in church.

But after 6 years in church, I began to question my own beliefs. Well, at times I think I did it in a very rash and inappropriate way. Some things I shouldn't have done, some things I should have done. But well, I questioned my own faith and beliefs for one year.

And I decided Christianity wasn't for me. Why?

1. I couldn't agree with many parts of the bible.

2. Much of what was taught to me by my church leaders did not flow with my personal moral values and the values taught to me by my parents from young. (e.g teaching that other religions are false, neglecting my family because service to church was priority)

And so I left church and the religion, not without trouble though. People said stuff. They gossiped, talked and insulted me. Well I wasn't innocent too. I did the same. My church "friends" became my adversaries when they heard about my deconversion and about how I challenged the bible.

It wasn't just about my church "friends" who turned against me.

Then there was my Christian mom to deal with. To make matters worse, I was the one who converted her earlier. And so when I deconverted, I pretended to go to church for 2 months every Saturday. I would go out with friends or go to another church to avoid too much suspicion.

Then after 2 months, I thought enough was enough and one fine night, I kind of ranted to my mom about how I don't believe in Christianity and Jesus anymore.

Initially, she couldn't accept it but I kept reminding her that most of her very own siblings are non-Christians and they are also capable, successful and kind. As time passes, she kind of got it. She understood that everyone has different beliefs, different religions and not everyone must believe in Jesus.

I felt free.

And today I am still free.

This whole deconversion episode has brought out 2 good things - I know who my true friends are and I have more time with my family now.

Do I have a problem with Christians now?


Am I still angry with my exchurch people? No. I admit I was still angry up to the beginning of this year. But now? No.

I have a wonderful and extremely caring Christian cousin. I have some wonderful Christian friends who live and let live.

I just find some of them extremely distasteful.

Those that are intolerant, insensitive, narrow-minded and cannot see the past the fact that I am never going to be a Christian anymore. Ugh, just makes me so thankful I am not with their pack anymore.


  1. hi... it's an interesting post.... I, myself don't really believe in almost all of the bible is saying but for me... religion was built for man to have someone to hold onto... to cling onto... and believe onto... it makes mankind to have a sense of direction.. please don't misjudge me... i'm not a "sagrado catholico" (someone who believe and worshipped catholic religion to the most of their abilities)...
    i was raised a catholic... and at some time of my life... i devoted my life to the church for a year... i was elementary student that time... but then... belief and devotion alone aren't enough... it needs work!! that means we still hold what will happen next... i don't talk about religion much... but i find it comforting that you might understand me... some don't.. i didn't talked about much with my friends... most of them won't understand...

    in my 5th grade in elementary school.. same year as i was saying in here.. in our history class... a topic says "dumating ang mga kastila, may dalang krus at espada" (spanish came, brought a cross and a sword.) i live in Philippines by the way :)

    sorry about that... just wanted to comment in your wonderful post :)

  2. hey dyan,

    Wonderful. But I am not sure if you're still a believer or not?