Monday, September 21, 2009

Unrealistic expectations

Expectations can be good and they can help us achieve and reach for the best.

But unrealistic expectations can kill you, just like how it killed my sister's friend. I happen to know him too and I do feel it's such a waste for him to end his own life just because of others' expectations.

Out of respect for the dead, I will not name the person. I have a point to drive across.

Sometimes people (parents, teachers, mentors) place high expectations on us. It becomes so stressful and some of us would choose to end our lives.

When expectations become a burden, we must sound out. We must tell those who set the expectations on us. We must tell them that the expectations are UNREALISTIC. We must tell them the expectations are taking a toll on us, and NOT suffer in silence and then choose death.

How do you know when the expectations are unrealistic?

1. The outcomes of the expectations are DESIRED BY THOSE WHO SET THEM, and not desired by you at all. You are just helping them fulfill th expectations.

2. When you constantly try your best but yet fail to reach THEIR expectation.

3. You feel stressed out at trying and trying and negative, detrimental or suicidal thoughts come into your head.

4. When you know that even if you fulfill that expectation, somehow you wouldn't be happy at all.

So when you realise you are setting yourself up against unrealistic expectations SET BY OTHERS, you must immediately save yourself. Do not keep trying to bluff yourself that the expectations are good for you, when they are not.

Come out of it. Stop trying if the expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Otherwise you would soon see yourself trapped in a corner. DON'T suffer in silence. Tell those who set unrealistic expectations. Tell them to stop forcing it on you.


  1. Sadly, this country is full of people with high expectations. Parents on the other hand aren't helping much either. They emphasise so much on formal education that most of them fail to see what life is about. Sometimes they fail to take into consideration of the childs feelings and use their child's exam results as a base of comparison with relatives children (AH! i hate this)... Oh well, thats not going to change anytime soon.... the thing is if you tell parents to stop forcing it on you, what do you think their reaction would be? They'd probably just compare you with some other person and say "if they can, why not you?". That is why so often people suffer in silence and foolishly resort to suicide as an alternative.

    BUT, i think just by contemplating suicide, the person is at fault too... not being able to fulfill the high expectations set by parents shouldn't drive a person to suicide right? And for all you know, the parent may have never known about how the person feels. Imagine if all along to them, they feel like the person is taking it really well? Their expectations will just get higher right?

    haha just a thought (:

  2. LOL why don't you allow anonymous comments?

  3. hey backwardsmiley,

    Yea you are right. Singapore is full of high expectations, from the government, to the private sector, to schools, colleges, universities and to even our parents.

    I think one problem is also young people themselves. Most of them have the "just follow and just obey" mentality that most Singaporeans have. They do not ask, or question or try to stand up for themselves. They, like many Singaporeans rather stay low, and just "do what is required of them", until when it's too late, when the stress gets overwhelming, they break.

    Young people must learn to voice out their opinion. They must learn to say how they feel and not suffer in silence.

  4. " Most of them have the "just follow and just obey" mentality that most Singaporeans have. They do not ask, or question or try to stand up for themselves. They, like many Singaporeans rather stay low, and just "do what is required of them", until when it's too late, when the stress gets overwhelming, they break."

    I think its sort of the product of over emphasis on formal education where you just do what the teacher tells you to that makes it happen. The fear of standing out in society is something unheard of in Singapore. For example, if you speak out during lessons or ask questions, people label you as the "weido" that asks questions even though your told to be more vocal. Even in offices etcetc, people often complain, claiming that all the "FT" is taking over their high paid jobs. But when they are placed in a meeting, i think the only ones that ever open their mouths to give constructive criticism are the FTs

    I guess that's why the government is moving towards a "holistic" education. Hmmm... IMO, its not really getting anymore holistic. It not a balance...its now the same amount of stress in academics PLUS CCA etc.

    All in all, Singapore still prides paper results over experience... so what if it has one of the smartest youths in the world? (TIMSS)
    They'll probably get lost in the real world.

  5. Yea very true. But NOT ALL YOUNG PEOPLE are like this though. haha. There are a few who shine out.

    Anyway, who are you? LOL

  6. Of course not all are like that. Haha. some break out of the mould sometimes..

    LOL. I am "(:" on your tagboard. (Hence, backwardsmiley cause im so uncreative) Someone who just wandered here a few weeks ago while searching for ....... (hmm i cant remember what ) on google. LOL (:

  7. LOL. kk. Do a short intro? HAHA. Are you Singaporean?

  8. HAHA of course! although pragmatic singaporeans dont usually leave commets. LOL

    I am Singaporean (mixed blood - Chinese + British) . However, besides my appearance, i don't even sound angmoh (unless im having a conversation with my father.)


    and am still a student so im not old. HAHA. not that young either tho...

    (and up to this point i can only think of ASL to intro....)

    AH. live in the east.

    LOL thats all [ i can think of] !

    I'd ask you to intro, but its all on your blog -.- unless you tell me sth about you that isn't on thr. LOL

    i know your
    sylvester lim

    ok. thats all actually. HAHA

    oh yeah. u love getting drunk LOL.

  9. LOL. How do you know I love getting drunk. I dun post much drunk photos man! hahaha.

    Yea i'm 24. I'm mixed blood too - hokkien plus teochew. HAHAHA.

    Ok cool. We can be friends. You got facebook?

  10. LOL i rmb 1 post u said u went to zouk phuture etcetc + your dp. LOL

    LOL. retarded. im Hainanese. So how dare malaysia say we steal their chicken rice.. well, we may have stolen them as they CLAIM, but its only famous here cause we made it so much nicer! HAHA.
    wasnt that hard finding u on facebook. LOL

  11. LOL. yea we own hainanese chicken rice. hahah.. yea saw u there dude :) nice.